Stand Your Ground

Memorial Day 2020. It seems to silly but this day is always very fresh in my mind. This was official our first holiday to take place in quarantine. It felt different. It was different. All barbecues, parades, and gathers were canceled... and Mr. Jane and I decided to make the best of it. We dressed the kids in their red, white, and blue 🇺🇸 We went on a morning walk with the wagon. The kids waved their flags in the air. We came home to set up the new baby pool and just enjoy the day as a family. ❤️ We had drinks made and popsicles ready for the kids in the freezer. But, as all parents know, YOUR plans are as solid as Jello when you have toddlers. 😜 After the walk, instead of sitting with my feet in the pool, 🍹 watching the kids splash and play, I spent the next two hours dealing with a tantruming 1.5 year old. Why? Because he wanted to go outside naked. Disclaimer: a naked 1.5 year old can be adorable for some, BUT in my opinion (and maybe only mine), it is not appropriate. I always ask myself, ‘will this behavior be cute in a year? In 5 years?’ So, when reading this, do not focus on WHAT I stood my ground on. For you it could be that they will not have cookies 🍪 for breakfast, purchasing a new toy....

Toddler can be very black a white, if I allow him to play in the front yard naked today, how will he feel if I say no tomorrow? That’s confusing for him. **This is what works for me and my family**. This is also, solely, my opinion. So here is what I did: 1. I drew a line and I stood firm. “No, you can’t go outside naked. It’s not appropriate.”

This didn’t go over well. There was yelling, a lot of crying, and a lot of attempts to leave the house even though I said no. 2. I gave options. I handed him some control. In between his crying and yelling I would show him his two options. Blue shorts or black shorts? Ideally, he would make a choice, put on the shorts, and head outside to have fun. Usually this works with him, but that day it didn’t. That’s ok. 3. I limited my talking. One of the only things I said to him were “First shorts. Then outside.” But we were deep in this tantrum. He wasn’t breaking... but I knew that I couldn’t break either. It felt like a learning moment for both of us. 4. I listened and supported him during this moment. I was frustrated. Anyone would be. But he was going through something and I had to support him. I did not show any frustration or anger. I did my best to show compassion. I acknowledged his feelings “I see that you are frustrated”. I gave him hugs and kisses when he wanted them. 5. I dropped it. Sadly, this tantrum lasted almost two hours. We never made it outside. This holiday that I was trying to “make the most of” was not what I had planned in my head. Soon my husband and my daughter came in for lunch and my son and I were both drained. We ate lunch and he took a nap. This was not his finest moment. Maybe he knows it. Who knows. But what I do know it that no one, no matter what the age, appreciates someone bringing up their vulnerable moments after the fact. When my husband came inside, we DID NOT talk about the tantrum. Not with him and not with each other in front of the kids (We did discuss it later when our son was in bed). In all my years of working with kids, and mostly kids who struggled managing their emotions, I have learned that there are two types of kids: kids who are ashamed and embarrassed when adults talk about their negative behavior and kids who get a kick out of talking about their negative behavior. If your child is older and can talk about the situation after the tantrum, then a good decompressing chat could be helpful... But, reliving or tattling to your significant other when they arrive home is never helpful for the child. That was a lot... but guess what? He has never tried to go outside naked again. He has also NEVER had a temper tantrum that large ever again. WHY? Because he learned that it got him no where. I drew a line. I stood firm. I supported him. He felt loved. He learned. I learned.

Make sure to follow @MissJaneOfAllTrades for simple, fun daily activities 💕   and a sprinkle of behavior support 😉  👇🏼👇🏼    Like ♥️          Comment 💬          Share ➡️         Save 💾          Please feel free to message me with any behavior questions. I would love to help. 💕